So, I attended my first (impromptu) anime night last night. It was.. interesting. They were watching an episode of FLCL* when we arrived, and while a few folks went to pick up some pizza the rest of us were treated to a few episodes of Ebichu the House-Cleaning Hamster. Trust me, it's even wierder than it sounds. After that we saw a couple episodes of Chobits, which was more logical and easier to follow than FLCL and Ebichu, but still somewhat random and "cute;" a major segment of anime I'm still learning to develop an appreciation for.
*If you've never seen it, it can't be explained. FLCL isn't a show, it's a fucking experience.
Following Chobits, we started into the action/drma stuff I prefer. One episode of Fullmetal Alchemist (IMO the English dub of which actually sounds better than the original Japanese voices, which is ironic in that it's usually the English dub with is atrocious; and especially because Fullmetal was done by Funimation, which has quite possibly the worst track record of any company that does English anime dubs), part of another show we stopped prematurely upon realizing we'd jumped into a second or third season of the series (I expect to be confused by some anime, but the dialog in this was making it obvious they were referring to things which had happened in previous episodes), and ended the night with a gratuitously bloody episode of Helsing.
All in all, a decent night. I got to meet some new people, most of whose names I've already forgotten, and after we got home Steve fixed me up a margarita (sans triple-sec, unfortunately) and I actually legitimately beat him at pool for the first time. I've technically won before by him scratching on/sinking the 8 out of turn (though I consider that more a case of he lost than I won), and there have been a few times he's just totally goofed off throughout the game and given me enough time/tries to get a decent/lucky shot on the 8, but this was the first time we can remember wherein he didn't goof off excessively and I beat him. Makes this little ol' pool rookie proud.
Now for the rant.
While we were at Josh and Jody's place for anime night there was a girl subtly flirting with me, which Steve noted after the fact on the way home. I thought she was fairly attractive; not Victoria's Secret thin, but not really overweight, and kind of cute. When I said as much to Steve, he shot me The Look(tm) and said "That's what we call 'desperate girl level 2.' Don't worry man, I'll hook you up with better than that." Of course, I wasn't exactly flattered by that comment, but it did lead into a personally enlightening discussion.
Now, understand, I don't intend to bash Steve here. In addition to giving me a place to live that's not Tooele, mixing and teaching me how to mix drinks, helping me learn to play pool and probably a dozen or so other things he's done for me, he's just a great fuckin' guy who's a lot of fun to hang out with. I could go on for pages listing all his positive qualities. It's just the way he talks about relating to/approaching women that kind of makes my inner feminist cringe.
I don't remember all the details of what was said, and I don't want to unfairly attribute to Steve things he didn't say, so the account of the conversation may be sparse. I stated I don't want to approach a girl as if she's some kind of Strange and Terrifying Creature(tm) from another world. There are differences between the genders, certainly, but it's not like females are members of another species. We're all human, and I do my best to treat everyone accordingly.
Steve agreed with this, but stated the differences between what he called the disparate gender "cultures" are such a guy is virtually dealing with someone from a foreign country when approaching a woman. "Look at the lists," he said, "like the Top 100. You look at the guys on that list and, while they may not be at the top, you're going to find some pretty weasley guys. Look at the girls, however, and there won't be a weasley or unpleasant female in sight. Girls have to deal with this stuff all the time. You and I, we don't have to worry about that, we're just guys and that's pretty much that; but girls have this in their faces at all hours of every day."
Now, I'm not sure the way I interpreted this is the way he intended it, so read on with a grain of salt. I got the impression from what he was saying all women are kind of screwed up or damaged on some level, even if it's "just" less-than-stellar self-confidence or a slight need/desire for reassurance from others. I further got the impression he was advocating using that knowledge in what seems to me a somewhat unethical way; sort of exploiting a girl's insecurities for one's own benefit. Effectively turning relationships--the pursuit, construction and exercise thereof--into a numbers game; even calling it as much.
That is the point which rankles me so. As I said above, I accept and understand there are differences between the genders. Legally and culturally speaking, men and women should be considered equals and that should be the end of it, but biologically there are very real discrepancies quite beyond the obvious physiological. Even with the comment about gender "culture," he had a good point. Here in the U.S. (and possibly the western world at large) we live in a very patriarchal culture. There are some crucial and fundamental egalitarian elements, to be sure, but any honest intellectual study can only come to the painfully clear conclusion men still have an advantage in many/most areas of society simply by virtue of being men. There is undeniably some male stereotyping and pressure to conform, but it doens't seem anywhere near matching the scale of that which women face.
However, turning relationships into a "numbers game" raises the hackles on the back of my neck. It just seems wrong somehow. And the idea all women are to some degree damaged by our culture and one can use that to one's advantage in dealing with them seems infinitely more so.
I'm okay with the idea of educating myself on "female culture." Knowledge is power, and I've yet to come across any such I believe would be harmful in some way to gain. Using it incorrectly or for an unethical purpose can certainly be harmful, but knowledge by itself, as with all other tools, is inherently neutral and without malice. At any rate, as I said, I can't see any reason not to learn about "female culture," even with the intention of then using that knowledge to better relate to and communicate with women--it's just the idea of using it for personal gain that leaves a bad taste in my mouth (maybe I'm more friendly to Wiccan values than I thought). If I'm going to learn (some of) what it's like to be a woman growing up in a subtly, but very truly patriarchal culture, I at least like to think I'd then use that knowledge in some way to help the women I know overcome any "baggage" or "damage" they might have from the experience, maybe even (if I were someone else) go bigger and use that knowledge to challenge the establishment which causes such harm in the first place.
Again--and I can't state this enough--I am not in any way criticising or bashing on Steve here. It's entirely possible I simply misunderstood his intended meaning with some things; and even if he does "study women" with the intent of using that knowledge to improve his own success in relationships with them, I'm certain there exists no malicious intent of any kind. Ultimately, it proabably comes down to a simple case of "people are different and have different ways of relating to/associating with one another." I'm not decrying his opinions, in fact he probably stopped having anything to do with this entry several paragraphs ago; it's simply some of the things he said as we were speaking last night were the catalyst of my current thoughts, so I wanted to provide the necessary background thereof.
Going back to the beginning, while we were at Josh and Jody's place and the girl was flirting with me, all that mattered in my reckoning was I thought she was cute and she seemed to reciprocate the attraction. Whether or not she was likely to win beauty pageants, make a phenomenal discovery, write a revolutionary thesis, create a great work of art or even just be good in the sack was of literally no importance to me.
I'm attracted to her and she's showing a reciprocal interest. When dealing with women in a romantic context, those two facts are all I need to know. Everything else is just gravy.
