I don't know which I hate more; being so goddamn shy it's all but crippling in any kind of social setting, or living in a culture where the expected norm is for the male to be the "aggressor." 'Course, it doesn't help any the girls I'm usually most attracted to are usually the ones I have the least chance with, if only because they're cute enough other guys who have no such social malfunction take notice as well and move in while I watch helplessly from inside my fucking mental prison.
Maybe it's a copout, but I keep hoping I'll someday meet a girl who throws convention to the wind and approaches me. If I'm engaged first I'm perfectly capable of holding my own in a conversation, it's just getting up the courage to make the first move that takes me out of the game.
I wonder how much it would cost to just pick up and move to, say, Boston or Providence. I don't have any illusions about running away solving any of my problems, but at this point I just need to do something before I go insane.
God damn it I hate sometimes.